Disciples Build Strong Relationships

Disciples Build Strong Relationships

Westhill Community Church

Sunday 22 Sep 2019

Reading: Romans 12: 9-21

Through the summer and into the autumn we are concentrating on the theme of discipleship. However, this is far more than just a topic for us to spend time unpacking week by week. It is a tremendous purpose for us to pursue; a wonderful vision for us to fix our eyes upon; a life-transforming passion for us to seize hold of. If you have missed some of these talks given over recent weeks then I urge you to download them from the church website, listen to them, and seek God’s grace to enable you to put His word into practice in your life. Jesus said that those who hear his words and put them into practice will be like a house built upon the rock. When the storms come such a house will stand firm and not collapse. Jesus also taught us a sure recipe for failure: listen to my words but don’t put them into practice and what you are building will undoubtedly collapse. Brothers and sisters, our longing and our prayer is that in this church, and in our individual lives as members of this church, what we are building will last, will survive all of the storms that come against us, and will stand firm as a testimony to God’s faithfulness and grace.

This morning we are considering the second half of Romans chapter 12, and in particular one of the things it teaches us about the nature of true discipleship: true disciples of Jesus build strong relationships with one another. And, like the house built upon the rock, these relationships are meant to last. For the Bible says that the family of God’s people are just like a building, each stone linking to and inter-relating with others, bound together by the mortar of God’s love.

And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit (Eph 2: 22).

This building in which we meet and worship is not the building to which Paul is referring. As I think I’ve said before, this physical building is best likened to scaffolding – necessary for a time to aid in the erection of the true building, but eventually removed so that the true building might fulfil its purpose. Much the same is true of the various human institutions and organisations that help to build and nurture the people of God. But our relationships one with another, these are an intrinsic part of, indeed lie at the very heart of the spiritual building that God is constructing for His dwelling place. In fact it is through our relationships that God reveals Himself most clearly to others, as Jesus himself made clear.

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one – I in them and you in me – so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (John 17: 20-23)

In this section of Paul’s letter to the Romans that we read today there are a number of guidelines to enable us to forge and maintain strong, Christ-like relationships with one another.

1. Christ-like relationships are bound together with genuine love

Love is the mortar that binds us together. And the first thing Paul says in this section is “love must be sincere.” I am sure we are familiar with the word ‘sincere’ and know basically what it means – genuine, from the heart, without pretence. The origin of the word ‘sincere’ is interesting. Its root meaning in the Greek is ‘without wax.’ I have an ebony head carving from southern Nigeria. If such a carving had a crack or other flaw on its surface then this would greatly reduce its value. But in such a case it’s possible to use black wax-based shoe polish to fill in the blemish. After polishing the unskilled eye might never notice. A carving is said to be sincere if no such repair work or touching-up has occurred.

Paul says it is possible for my love for another believer to seem like the genuine article, but actually to be only superficial. The problem with wax filling of an ebony carving is that when it stands in the hot sun the wax is liable to melt. The genuineness of our love is also revealed when the heat gets turned up. You see, genuine love isn’t essentially what I feel, or even what I say. True love is demonstrated by acts of devotion. When I truly love, says Paul, then I will honour each of my brothers and sisters above myself.

2. Christ-like relationships resist evil

I find it fascinating that in this section on relationships Paul gives so much attention to the problem of wrong-doing – evil, sin, misdemeanours, selfishness, and so on. At the beginning, in the middle and right at the end as well. But this shouldn’t surprise us. You see it’s relatively easy to love a good person – someone who is kind and thoughtful perhaps, or who appreciates us. But what about someone who doesn’t seem to like us, who is short with us, who criticises us, who doesn’t appreciate our ministry, who is often finding fault with us? We have to face up to the fact that here on this earth the Church is not perfect. Indeed Jesus made it clear that he had not come to call the righteous to follow him, but sinners to repentance. All of us, then, are a work in progress, and this means that there will be times that we offend each other, hurt each other and grieve one another. How are we to respond when this happens?

First of all, says Paul, abhor evil. Evil is to be unacceptable for God’s people. He uses a strong word here, translated ‘hate’ in the NIV and ‘despise’ in the Passion version. The first line of defence against those things that would threaten to spoil relationships and ruin fellowship is for each of us to have a vigorous determination never to do them. This doesn’t mean we will always succeed, but it does mean that we will be very clear about the direction we are heading in. Each time we fail we will bring it to the Lord, seek His forgiveness, and renew our commitment to have done with those things that displease Him. If we are to be true disciples of Jesus then anything we know He would be uncomfortable with should be on our list of prohibited activities. ‘Cling to what is good,’ says Paul.

Secondly, says Paul, be devoted to all other believers with brotherly love. And, yes, this includes those who mess up or fall short in one way or another. Hatred of wrong-doing does not mean hatred of wrong-doers; instead our attitude to them must be one of devotion. If you are devoted to someone then you cannot hate them. If you are devoted to them you cannot despise them. If you are devoted to someone, what do you do when they fall down? You help them up, of course. You brush the dirt off them, apply any first-aid that’s needed, then take them home and give them a cup of tea. Now here’s the challenge. It’s all very well to do this when the person messing up hasn’t hurt you. But what if their wrong-doing is actually against you? What if they are persecuting you, using the example that Paul gives in this passage? The answer is, you don’t behave any differently. You bless them, says Paul. Do something nice for them. Show them that you love them. Take them out for a drink, says Paul later. Treat them to a meal. And with no other motive than that you want to show them how much you appreciate them and care for them.

Thirdly, do not retaliate when somebody hurts you. The world would say, “pay them back; give them what they deserve; teach them a lesson.” But Paul quotes from the Song of Moses in the book of Deuteronomy, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. And particularly in the Christian community, the family of God, it is our Father’s responsibility, not ours, to deliver retribution. What if our Father has cleansed them by the blood of Christ, and forgiven them by His grace, but you insist that they must pay for their misdemeanours, where does that leave you? Opposing God Himself! And what if our Father has forgiven you all your wrong-doings, and justified you in Christ, and you persist in demanding retribution for another, where does that leave you? Up the creek without a paddle, said Jesus, although not with those precise words! Actually it is in this context of retribution that Paul recommends offering the offending person a drink or a meal. Thereby you deliver burning coals on their head, said Paul, quoting from the book of Proverbs.

I’ve often puzzled about this verse. It sounds a bit vindictive, doesn’t it? But in the Bible live coals are not used to deliver torment and punishment to people. Instead they are used to refine, to purify, to cleanse and to forgive. Isaiah the prophet had a burning coal touch his head – his lips to be precise. And as the seraph administered it he said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.” (Isa 6: 6, 7) Do you want to help another believer deal with a shortcoming they have? Do something tangible to show how much you love and care for them, and this may open up a channel for God to minister his cleansing and forgiveness.

Finally, remember Jesus’ challenging words to Peter. Even if the number of times someone commits the same offence against you is seventy times seven, still keep on forgiving them.

3. Christ-like relationships are passionate

“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour,” said Paul. Serve the Lord, be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer, share with others, be hospitable, fellowship together with others when they rejoice and when they mourn.

Tell me, your zeal for the household of God, for His people, His family, how would you assess it on a scale of 1 to 10? To what extent do you dispense joy, encourage patience, pray faithfully, share and entertain, visit and support? The disciples recognised that a particular verse from the psalms applied specifically to Jesus – “Zeal for your house will consume me,” (John 2: 17). As we walk in the dust of his feet that same zeal and passion will consume us too, for is it not his yoke that we are called to share?

Now it is a strange thing that passion is often demonstrated in such simple ways. I can think of many people who are passionate about football. They may not often play football themselves, but their passion is clearly evident from their regular attendance at football matches, cheering and shouting for their favourite team. So don’t think that you are incapable of being passionate for the family of God that you belong to. I can think of so many faithful Christians who take no part in leading or preaching, whose circumstances are such that they even struggle to make it to church. But their presence with God’s people exudes a passion greater than that of the most fervent football fan. You may have no idea how much your presence encourages and blesses other members of your church family. That is why the scripture tells us not to neglect meeting together (Heb 10: 25).

Christ-like relationships are harmonious

Finally Paul encourages us to live in harmony with one another. We are not to be proud, thinking our role or position is higher or better than someone else’s. We are not to put down or despise another because they have different insights to us, different gifting, or serve in a different way.

Listen to this piece of music: https://www.jennysteve.net/music/mp3/Allelu%20Canon.mp3 , which comprises variations on Pachelbel’s Canon. Listen to the progression of different instruments as they join in: cello, violin, keyboard, flute, piccolo, double bass, steel drums, string ensemble, chorus, mandolin, ocarina, tenor voices, alto voices, bass voices. There is a particular characteristic of each one of these that will be immediately obvious as soon as it is stated. Each one of these individual instruments or groups is playing a different tune. Each has its own unique melody, but playing together they produce a magnificent harmony. Indeed you cannot truly have harmony unless each one is playing something different to the others, but nevertheless without discord.

At the Galilee beach bar-b-que after Jesus’ resurrection Peter pointed John out to Jesus, and said, “Lord, what about him?” How is John going to serve you; what role has he to play in your Church?

Jesus reply was very simple. “What is that to you? You must follow me.” (John 21: 21, 22). And he says the same to each of us. We may not see the music that someone else is playing from. We might not even find the instrument or melody they are playing particularly to our taste. But we can be assured that as we each follow Jesus, our conductor, then the music we play together will be a wonderful harmony, bringing praise to his Name, and drawing others to come to know and love him for themselves.

Steve Townsend

22 Sep 2019